The Husband-bashing Wives of Modern Society

Husband abuse – that is wives who beat up their husbands – is a growing problem, especially among middle-aged couples that have been together for a good while. With so many jokes about how some of today’s women are becoming bigger and stronger than men themselves, this is one aspect of their increasing masculinity that’s just not funny! So what’s really going on out there in modern society, and if it’s such a big issue, why don’t we hear more about it?

Aggressive wifeWhy Men Don’t Tell

The main reason this problem has been kept firmly behind closed doors is that men just don’t tell, and there have been good reasons for their silence. What man wants the world to know he’s getting a beating from his wife? Practically none, that’s how many, no matter how severe or regular his thrashings.

Apart from the humiliation of a fella admitting being slapped around by the misses, there’s also the fear of being branded a wimp if he dares to utter a word about his ill-treatment – until now that is! At long last men are starting to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

Historically, battered husbands who had the courage to report their dilemma, have either been ignored or exposed to full-on mockery and abuse. Back in 18th-century France, as an example, an abused husband was forced to wear a bizarre outfit and ride backwards on a donkey around his neighbourhood.

When a Man Beats a Woman

If a woman meets up with friends, family, co-workers, or whoever, and she has a black eye, busted lip, and chipped tooth, or other visible signs of abuse, then she’s going to get a lot of genuine love, care, and support from those around her, and quite rightly so.

When a Woman Beats a Man

When a man is the victim of domestic violence, it’s a different story, at least is has been until recent times. Getting laughed at and teased by others has been enough of a deterrent to keep his beatings a secret. Ridicule only triggers negative emotions, like shame, remorse, and perhaps guilt too, depending on the circumstances. Being disbelieved is something else that’s been a major worry, especially if the wife is half his height and half his weight. But it is real and it is happening. Furthermore, husband bashing seems to be on the increase.

Why don’t these Men Stop those Women from Hitting them?

Well, there are a couple of main reasons why this vicious crime is largely undefended. The first is that a woman may hit her husband or partner (savagely in some cases), with the knowledge that he is the kind of man who would never hit back, ever! So the overly aggressive spouse can, and does, use hubby as her personal punch bag – literally.

The other reason is the simple fact that some wives are harder than their husbands, so these guys couldn’t stop or beat her in a brawl even if they tried. In general, men are the stronger sex – physically – but not in all cases. Make no bones about it, there are some pretty tough gals around, and they seem to be getting bigger and stronger with each passing generation.

In both the above cases, all the man can do is try his best to defend himself. Sadly though, a brutal blow delivered unexpectedly, and with relentless force, is often all it takes to knock him down, thus making way for yet another violent, and sometimes bloody pasting.

Where are the Stats backing up the Rise in Husband Bashing?

Husband Bashing StatsReligious institutions have said they regularly receive letters from husbands asking for guidance on how to deal with physically abusive wives. In addition, more men are now reporting their beatings to the police, and law departments have been gathering data on Husband Battering in recent years. But letters to clergy and police reports are just the tip of the iceberg. However, like most things, things change.

If a man festers in deep seated resentment, fear, and imploded anger, he will not alter things on the ground, so to speak. Usually, the only way to change the situation is when the man changes how he deals with it. Thankfully, this is exactly what he’s starting to do.

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind.”

As men slowly brave-up and speak out, the world is beginning to listen and take this form of domestic aggression more seriously. The old societal stigmas might still be there to some degree, but they are dying out as the reality of the situation makes itself better known:

Men on the Web are having their say!

The internet has easily become the biggest source of information to highlight this ever growing problem. There are many websites, blogs, and chat rooms, where facts, figures, and personal stories are being published with alarming frequency. Men hurt too, and just like the women of domestic abuse, vulnerable fellas also need protection. Thanks to the anonymity of the World Wide Web, this on-going problem is now getting the global publicity it so deserves.

Physical, verbal, and emotional cruelty is not only wrong, but it can, and does, destroy people – men, women, and children – and it has to be stopped in all its forms. By publishing this short article, is doing its bit by helping to bring this nasty and vicious wrongdoing to light.

If you’re a man reading here, and you are currently getting bullied and beaten by a spouse, try to rid any reluctance or denial you might have and admit to the fact that you’re a genuine “victim of abuse”. With so many hotlines, support groups, and other channels setup to assist men in your situation, it really is much easier nowadays to get the help you deserve.

We’ve listed some good resources on the Ill-treatment of men in the 50ish forum here.

Got something to say on this topic? Please leave your comments below.

By Toby Strowger | 50ish Site Contributor
Toby Strowger is a men’s lifestyle writer for

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Readers Comments

    Joseph Dabon says:

    I always believe there more more battered husbands than battered wives. They are not just getting attention from society. If they do, it is to be ridiculed and laughed at.

    My group of coffee buddies consists of nearly half who can be called battered husbands. They funny thing is that they talk about their experiences with the group. And we all have a good laugh at it.

    No, I was not a battered husband. My wife died more than 7 years ago, and though we had tough times together, they never went beyond rough exchange (sometimes shouted) of words.

      Chaz4Jazz says:

      The US Dept of Justice reports criminal information collected by DOJ resources. For some reason the FBI has the lead on collaborating with myriad law enforcement sources, and annually publishes statistics on issues like, or related to this one.

      Over the past ten years, data has begun to show a trend unexpected in a gynocentric society: that women initiate violence against their male partners (in all manner of relationships) significantly more than males. What doesn’t get reported (possibly because it’s difficult to standardize it statistically) is the degree to which nagging/belittling/pushing a guy’s buttons escalates into violence.

      Coincidentally, since women usually possess less physical strength than their male partners, they resort to the use of heavy or sharp objects rather than exchanging punches. Thrown or swung at a man’s head often ends the violence; sometimes permanently.

      I had been emotionally abused by my then-wife after the birth of our second son, about six years into the marriage. The remaining six were fraught with shaming, insults, threats, lots of emotional abuse. I left within four weeks of her losing her cool, pushing me onto the bed, placing her knee on my chest, and moving her hands to my neck with what appeared a clear intent to choke me (to death?). She was quite obviously shaking, with her face a beet red color. I’d never seen ANYONE that angry in recent memory. What inspired her was her dissatisfaction with a paint job I’d done in our bedroom; she demanded I finish spots I’d missed, while I held firm that I wasn’t going to do any more work since it was approaching midnight.

      The expressions of disdain, the eye-rolling, the name-calling, and eventually the unbridled contempt led to her violence. I left to prevent our sons seeing any more of our increasingly violent, dysfunctional relationship…and because at the time no husband was ever given custody of their kids, even if the wife had a history of violence.

      After I left, the recurring thought I couldn’t erase was, was she similarly abusing our male children?

    Steve Milstead says:

    Good article, without the sensationalism that plagues some of the other materiel I’ve seen. The reality, that women and mothers are accountable for about half of all spousal and child abuse, has not changed; but the statistics are increasing because men are slowly feeling more comfortable about reporting the abuse.

    In the late 80s I gathered up my two small children and fled to an abuse shelter, only to be told they had no facilities for abused men and fathers. We drove all that night and into the next day, terrified, before we finally found safe shelter.

    We must all work together to increase our awareness that gender has no place in our dialogue on domestic violence.

    Again, thanks for your article.

    JD says:

    An eye opening article. While the battered husband is probably not as exceptional as we might think, what is unexceptional is the emotionally / verbally abused husband.

    Women say the most atrocious things to their men and society implicitly nods along saying, “Well, he must deserve it”.

    Anytime a woman has a problem with a man – for whatever reason – it’s the man’s fault for not meeting her needs. Anytime a man has a problem with a woman – for whatever reason – it’s the man’s fault for being a demanding, misogynist pig. Women’s grievances are elevated and those of men are devalued. If ever there is a disagreement between the sexes the default position is ‘woman is right, man is wrong.’

      Andy Aitch says:

      Interesting observation JD

      There will, or course, be others that have a completely different stance on the situation. I guess it depends on what kind of lifestyle and relationships a person has experienced as to what their outlook is on this topic.

      I do think, however, that modern day man has become somewhat unsure of his identity, or role, in the new order or things. When it comes to women, men often say, in deceptive jest, that they’re dammed if they do a thing, and they’re dammed if they don’t.

      It’s a bit like the ‘God’ concept. If everything in life is going perfectly well in the eyes of a religious person, then it’s all thanks to the Lord. If things go tits-up, then it’s your fault, or God’s will! He (that’s God), can do no wrong whichever way you look at it.

      Btw, good points about the verbal abuse and the emotional toll that can have on a man (there’s probably a separate article in there somewhere). For generations men have been saying things like; “That bloody woman (namely his partner), will be the death of me”. Or that she nags him half to death. Depending on the nature of persistent nagging, moaning, fault-finding, etc, will determine whether or not it’s actual verbal abuse. But I’m guessing that years of grousing about the man, to the man, and especially in front of others, must take an emotional toll over time.

      It’s also important to point out though, that husband abuse is not something ‘most men’ will ever experience, but it is widespread enough to raise the issue here at

      Thanks once again for your comments JD.

      Andy Aitch (Webmaster)

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