The Older Man Younger Woman Relationship

Name: Robert Cunningham   Location: South East Asia   Interview Date: January 30, 2012

Older Man & Younger WomanSo here we are, our very first Hot Seat Interview on 50ish.org

Our debut chat is on a topic that can be classed as interesting, controversial, and Occasionally comical.

So without further ado, let’s see what friend of the site, Mr Robert Cunningham, has got to say on relationships between middle-aged men and those much younger women.

Q Hi Robert, Rob, thanks so much for volunteering to sit the first ever hot seat interview here at 50ish.

A Pleasure Andy. I was one of y’ mates that kept pushing you to start a project for middle-age men remember? So it’s the least I could do. Hey, I don’t have to be nervous do I?

Q There’s no need to be nervous Rob, please relax. So, perhaps I can start by asking your age if you don’t mind? I just think it’s a good idea for the readers to be able to picture this interview.

A Of course I don’t mind telling you how old I am. I’m 59, just turned. My wife thinks I look a lot younger though 😉

Q Well it’s often said, in jest, that a man is only as old as the woman he feels. Assuming there’s some truth in that, how old would this make you?

A Geesh Andy, if you want to know the age of my wife, why don’t you just ask outright? Okay, okay, I’ll play along for the sake of this interview. I feel about 27 years old. Happy now? I’m sure your readers can do the maths and conclude there’s a 32 year age gap between me and the misses.

Q Wow, that’s a generation and a half. Some would say you’re a lucky sod. Others reading this might think you’re a glutton for punishment. There may even be a few who consider you a bit of an old perv. How do you define your situation?

A Firstly, I couldn’t give a rat’s arse what other people think. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m one of the luckiest middle-age men on the planet. I mean, my wife’s beautiful, you know that, she’s also easy going, and almost always happy. Come to think about it, I don’t recall ever seeing her pissed off about anything.

Q Yes, I can certainly vouch for your wife, the lovely Phim, being beautiful, but then again it’s quite common for young Thai women to be extremely attractive. Now that I’ve let slip the nationality of your partner, I bet many readers are thinking that you’ve gone on holiday to Thailand and perhaps fallen for a Gogo dancer or a back street masseur. But that’s not the case is it?

AHa, ha! You know, a lot of people assume the only way to find a stunning Thai girlfriend is to hang out in the seedy night spots around the red light districts and rescue a chrome polisher. People who think that are either sex tourists, or just plain ignorant. Either way, they don’t know any different.

But just for the record, I first met Phim when I was on a business trip in Chiang Mai, and she was working as a legal secretary for one of the companies I had dealings with. I’d asked her out on numerous occasions but it was about 5 months before she eventually agreed to go on a dinner date with me. Even then she brought her sister as a chaperone 🙁

Q I’m not trying to be funny or anything mate, but you’re no oil painting. You wife is, but you’re certainly not. I can say that because we’re friends right? You’re no spring chicken either! So my question is this; what is a gorgeous, educated young Thai woman doing marrying rather plump Scot, 32 years her senior?

A Thanks for the compliments and much needed boost to the ego. Not! What people fail to understand about women in many of these South East Asian countries is that for them, a life that is financially secure, and a husband who is not likely to cheat, is more important than raw love, which is a pretty short lived phenomenon anyway.

Q Based on what you’ve just said Rob, would it be fair to assume your wife doesn’t love you as much as say the lifestyle you’ve given her? I know that you’re not short of a few quid, and your retirement plans are secure from what you’ve told me in the past. But the lovely Phim isn’t a gold digger, is she?.

AI resent that assumption Andy. Yes I’ve got more money than my wife, a lot more as it happens. But Phim’s not from a poor family, not wealthy either, but certainly not poor. And she really didn’t marry me out of desperation, of that I’m certain. I’ve already told you why age is not a major factor with a lot of girls from SEA. The age gap only seems to be an issue with westerners, and particularly western women, and MIDDLE AGED MATES!

QObviously I know the answers to many of these questions, but I still need to ask them so that our readers can get an insight into these types of relationships.

Cynics can be heard saying that much younger women dating, or marrying, much older men are the nicest people money can buy. Such cutting comments are perhaps made out of ignorance, which is why I’m giving you the opportunity to tell it as you see it. Are we okay to continue?

A Sure. I just get fed up sometimes with people assuming I’m some kind of fiend, and my wife is being taken advantage of because she’s desperate. It’s just not like that, it really isn’t.

Q At the start of this interview you said, and I quote; “I couldn’t give a rat’s arse what other people think” but suddenly you seem to mind?

A I don’t care what other people think, well not usually. It’s just that I’ve never had so many negative questions thrown at me in one hit about my relationship with Phim. That’s probably why I went on the offensive a bit. Sorry, please continue.

Q Okay, thanks. So if you really don’t mind what other people think of your relationship, why did you decline my request for small photo of you and Phim to be placed at the top of this interview page?

AI just don’t like the thought of my mug shot being posted online for a bunch of strangers to gloat at. Perhaps I’m old school, but I happen think photographs are personal items and should only be shared with close family and friends, and not the entire world.That’s just the way I am, and you’ll never see me on facebook, or or anywhere else where people expose themselves openly to strangers.

Q Fair enough, and thanks for clearing that up. Okay then, at 84 years old, your mother’s still alive and in good health. And you have 2 younger sisters and one older brother, all of whom have now met Phim. Can I ask what your family think about this relationship?

AI took Phim over to Elgin (north-eastern Scotland), to meet the family in early August 2010. I thought mother might have stirred things up a bit as she’s very old fashioned about these kinds of things. Luckily, both Mum and my siblings fell in love with Phim from day 1. All in all it was a smashing trip and everybody got on like a house on fire, which was a relief.

Look, Andy, you keep piping on about this ‘age difference’, but don’t forget Phim will be 30 next year. I mean, it’s not like I’m walking around with a teenage nymph clutching onto my sweaty palms for crying out loud!

Q Glad to hear everyone got on so well in Scotland. It’s always nice when the in-laws get on, no matter who the partner is.

Regarding your last remarks Rob, I keep ‘piping on’ about the age difference, because that’s the purpose of this interview, to hear first hand from someone that’s living in one of these types of relationships. I only have a couple more questions then I’m done. Can I continue?

AAye, go on then.

Q Obviously you and the wife will have some misunderstandings at times due to cultural, language, and age differences. So one can’t help but wonder how well you actually get along together and what kinds of things you do mutually on a daily basis? I mean, what’s a typical day in the life of Rob & Phim really like?

AIt’s true that if I talk about a time when she wasn’t even born, there will not be a 2-way conversation based on interest or experience. Phim’s also not curious about world politics, and knows very little about the peoples of other countries. She’s very smart, but doesn’t get wrapped up in issues that don’t affect her directly. It’s a ‘Thai thing, apparently.

All the stuff one might chat about with a wife of similar age and background, are not part of our relationship, and I kind of like that disconnection from the norm.

But what we do have in common is that we love to socialise – a lot. We eat out with friends in nice restaurants weekly. We also enjoy movies (both at home and at the cinema). We especially love taking long walks into the nearby mountains with our 2 dogs most weekends.

My wife is loving, laughs a lot, and can be incredibly childlike (not to be mistaken with childish). Phim also plays a Thai musical instrument beautifully. It’s called a sor duang, and I get great pleasure out of listening to her practice.

All these things combined makes me a very happy chappie. And when I’m happy she’s happy, and all this happiness brings harmony into our lovely home.

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever been so contented in all my life, and I’ve had a good life up to now with no major complaints (apart from the ex wife of course, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ;)).

Q Your relationship with Phim sounds too good to be true in some ways. There will undoubtedly be some reading this that will be envious of your setup. Rob, do you think you’re an exception to the rule, or do you know others who are equally as happy as you in similar ‘age-gap’ type relationships?

AAndy, you know as well as I do, there are plenty of much older men in stable and loving relationships with girls half their age, or even younger. And not only Asian girls either. Most of the ‘disaster stories ‘come from the Barstool Bobs, as you call them, who date girls from all the wrong places, for all the wrong reasons. And then they wonder why it all goes tits-up! These are the sob stories you will find online, written by bitter, twisted idiots with a grudge to air.

You won’t find accounts like mine on internet chat forums because people like me have no reason to go online just to tell a bunch of strangers we’re lucky in love and happy with our women. No, we’re too busy getting on with the ‘good life’, but we are out there, and there are plenty of us too.

Q Well, I know both you and the lovely Phim and from what I’ve seen I can vouch for your happiness. On that note, perhaps I can inform our readers that you’re expecting your first child in June 2012. So I’d like to say congratulations and wish you both all the very best for the future as a new family.

A Thanks Andy. Yes, we are very excited about having our first child. Like I said earlier, life has never been so good and I couldn’t be happier at this moment in time, I really couldn’t ;).

Q Robert Cunningham , Rob, good mate and sport, thanks so much for taking part in the first ever 50ish Hot Seat Interview, it’s been a pleasure questioning you.

A Huff! Wish I could say the same 🙁 Just kidding Andy. Happy to be of service mate, and don’t forget to omit those lines we talked about 😉
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About Andy Aitch

This Hot Seat Interview was conducted by Andy Aitch, globetrotter, writer, musician, netentrepreneur and founder of this project.

Andy’s Motto: A man is not old until his dreams become his regrets

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