Why Middle-aged Men don’t Understand Women
Actually, males don’t understand females at any age, but it doesn’t get any easier the older we become. Boys are quite confused by girls and older men are even more at odds with women. So it seems that as couples age together, the less they can relate to one another. As an older guy myself, it never ceases to amaze me the cryptic gibberish that leaves the conversational lips of many a women. They certainly know how to major in minor things, that’s for sure!
Not all Men Misunderstand!
This article is not an attack on women; it’s merely an observation of why men over 40 find it so difficult to understand the opposite sex. Any younger dudes reading here are probably nowhere near as baffled by the behaviour of females as we older guys. I think I might know the reasons why!
Meet the Effeminate Man and the Masculine Woman?
We’re constantly reminded that you younger fellas are more in touch with your feminine side than any generation before you. You have your male cosmetics, body waxing, and house-husband roles, as just three norms of a modern day bloke. Likewise, a lot of women have also evolved and met you halfway by talking on a more masculine stance in today’s relationships.
For us Oldies, Confusion Started on Day One – The Birthday!
Philosophers have told us for thousands of years that people are fundamentally good. If this is really true, why then did mater spend most of her time raising us boys using terms like; “No, naughty; mustn’t, stop that”, and other such lexes spouted from agitated lips? I mean, if we are fundamentally good, why were we constantly being told and taught to behave ourselves?
Boys got ticked-off, and ordered to be “nice”, one heck of a lot more compared to the girls in the house; apart from the odd exception obviously. Experts told us that your average kid heard the word “NO” from parents (mamas mainly), a flabbergasting 400+ times every single day for years and years on end. Now either ma lost the plot or babies are born naturally bad; and if they are, that contradicts the philosopher’s belief that humans are essentially good.
So the Confusion Begins!
400 “NOs” in a single day? And how many: “stop its, you naughty-naughty boy, bad lad”, and all that other parental verbiage which was thrown into the daily mix of maternal grousing? Doesn’t exactly leave much room for “natural righteousness”, does it? So already males were getting confused with the rules and perceptions of women on how they should conduct themselves as they developed. And the older we got, the stranger the fairer sex became!
WTF is all this about? Talk about Lost Logic!
Mums would tell us to go to bed when we were wide awake! Then they’d holler and shout for us to get up in the morning when still fast asleep. They demanded we ate when we weren’t hungry, and told us we couldn’t snack when we were famished! We got punished for not telling the truth, yet mothers lied through their teeth the moment we began to understand language.
Lies, Lies, and more Lies!
“Santa Clause will come and give you some presents at Christmas if you’re a good lad“. And if that wasn’t (and still is), first class BS, what about the absurdity of how the tooth fairy will leave a bit of dosh under the pillow when the first gnashers fall out? And then there’s the one where we’d pull a funny face and got told that if the wind changes, we’d stay like that forever? WTF!
The more intolerant women out there might have threatened their boys with the Bogeyman if they continued to say and do stuff that annoyed her. Now WTF was that all about? Just lies, lies, and more lies! And to think we were being told how wrong it was to be untruthful, yet she’d lie so much and so often, that even her own fibs weren’t true! In other words, lying about lying!
For some strange reason, it’s always been the women that confuse men and boys with their silly myths, old wives tales, and lies. Here are a few more that are still going strong to this day:
- Carrots help you see in the dark
- Watching too much TV gives you square eyes
- Drinking coffee will stunt your growth
- Chocolate causes acne
- Sneeze with your eyes open and they’ll fall out
- Go outside with wet hair and you’ll catch your death of cold……….ad infinitum.
The “While you’re Living Under MY Roof” Rule (a great way to confuse, even today!)
Okay, so both mums and dads will play the “While you’re under my roof…..” card from time to time, but it’s usually the lady of the house that throws this one up whenever she and the brood are having a squabble about something. But here’s what I think on the issue:
The very day a couple decide they want children, they have made a commitment to become a “family”. That means their apartment or house becomes the “Family Home” the moment the first-born arrives.
So it’s no longer just YOUR roof, it’s the kids roof too. Sure there should be house rules (for all members), and sprogs should do their bit to contribute towards a little harmony in the home. But don’t make it sound like you’re doing them some humongous favour by allowing them live there, because that’s a pretty warped theory of what a “family home” is supposed to be!
“My Rules My House” Got it?
Every time there’s a upset and a woman declares how this is “HER roof”, just think for a minute how that must make the child feel – at any age? Like an unwanted guest, that’s how. It gives kids the impression they’re getting board and lodging through some sort of begrudged moral obligation, and mum’s statement is letting them know it’s just a “temporary arrangement”.
Now look here mom; kids aren’t something you lease for 18 or 21 years, they’re family for life. The parents home should always be the family home just as your kid’s home will be when they eventually flee the nest and start a clan of their own. My/our home really is a nasty statement!
This one’s definitely not a HIT with the Kids!
It’s probably not allowed in modern times, but a couple of generations ago, a good thrashing (as they called it), was often dished out by both mums and dads when we boys misbehaved or got caught being dishonest about something or other. Although there were some really nasty dads around (who literally used to belt their boys), there were also a lot of very heavy-handed mums. Even one generation ago you could still see these women shaking and hitting their kids in public places, with no shame, only rage, occupying their every expression.
Tantrums and lies used to be the main triggers for getting physical punishment from the lady of the house, but hey, don’t they tell fibs and throw their dolly out of the pram from time to time too? Yes, of course they do, but no one hits them for it. Well not usually anyway!
So dad might get the strap out occasionally, but it was the housewife/mother that did most of the whacking. Tough love they used to call it. Loss of control sounds nearer the mark to me!
Now it’s YOUR turn!
Imagine if dad gave mum a severe wallop if he discovered she lied about knocking a drink over on the carpet, or some other triviality that the offspring (usually the lads), generally got a good slap for? She’d probably be down the Cop Shop filing a complaint for abuse, even though her size and weight will be more equal to dad’s than that between her and the sprog, who she’d hurt with her heavy handed slaps in the name of discipline!
It was confusing alright, growing up as a boy being raised mainly by a woman. She may have been tough and rough, or so motherly that she hindered his growth and stunted his independence. Either or, it’s no wonder older chaps remain baffled by them, and never quite get to grips with what it is they want – or – what on earth they’re talking about half the time.
Why Older Men will NEVER Understand Women!
Only the other week I was sitting outside a coffee shop and a woman came up to me with a toddler in a pushchair. She pointed to an empty seat at my table and said – and I quote; “Is anyone sitting here?” To which I replied, “Yes love, the Invisible man. Why, can’t you see him?” She was not amused one iota, and plonked herself down in the adjacent stool looking humiliated (I was only trying to have a bit of a giggle for crying out loud!).
Note: A man would have said “Is that seat taken”, not “Is anyone sitting there?” (when there quite evidently wasn’t). And no ladies, the two questions are NOT the same.
A few minutes later, I decided to break the ice and make some idle chit-chat. “So how old is the little lad?” I said, pointing to the sleeping bundle of snot in the pushchair. “He’ll be three in four months”, she answered. “So he’s two then” I replied logically? She then looked at me and gruffly uttered; “What a STRANGE thing to say!” Sheesh! I give up, I really do.
More Confusing and Stupid things Women Say:
- “We women don’t need you men!”
- “Do you want to go shopping?”
- (phone starts to ring); “Who’s that calling us?
- “I have my man well trained.”
- “Women can do anything a man can, only better.”
- (A loud knock at the door); “There’s somebody at the door!”
- “Start to grow up boy. You’ll be 21 in 10 years.”
- “If you think blah, blah, blah, then you’ve got another thing coming”
Oh the list is endless, but you get the drift!
Ladies, we older blokes can’t live with you, and we can’t live without you, but by golly we still want and need you gals, yet quite what for is still a bit of a mystery. So next time you’re having one of your coffee mornings, griping on with the sisterhood about how you can’t figure men out, just spare a thought as to why this might be – will you?
By Toby Strowger | 50ish Site Contributor
Toby Strowger is a men’s lifestyle writer for 50ish.org