Why do Men Sleep with Prostitutes?

A question often asked by married women is why do some men feel the need to pay for sex. Furthermore, what kinds of men sleep with prostitutes? And perhaps the most important question of all is what percentage of men sleep with prostitutes, or more specifically, what percentage of married men seeks the services of a harlot in the twenty-first century?

Man with Prostitute

Demographics Play a Role

When asked, very few single men, let alone married ones, will put up their hands and say “It’s me, I sleep with strumpets”. There are, however, a number of anonymous studies done over the years that seem to share one common fact, and that is the problem appears to be a lot more widespread than first thought.

The Johns Chart

Procon.org compiled global studies between 1994 and 2010 and then presented their findings in ‘The Johns Chart’. It shows the percentage of men (by participating country), who had ‘paid for sex’ at least once. View chart or visit Procon.org for the full report.

The Oldest Profession in the World

Women who offer sex for payment is something that has been going on since the dawn of time. Prostitution exists because the demand is there. It has always been this way and it most likely always will be. Even if societies become more moralistic with each passing generation, this base animal instinct in man is often relentless in its pursuit for sexual fulfilment and erotic diversity.

So the main reason why men buy sex is because they’re either unable or unwilling to fight their sexual urges. Such impulses can often switch on by themselves, quite spontaneous and uninvited.

Others may argue that most men probably ‘think’ about having extra marital sex (in the privacy of their own minds), but the majority don’t act out on those thoughts.

“Suppress prostitution, and capricious lusts will overthrow society”. ~ Georges Bataille

Obviously not all men are the same, and every man will have his strengths and weaknesses, irrespective of social standing, background and upbringing. But do such flaws make him a bad man of immoral character, or just someone satiating a strong human desire?

Who are the Men that Sleep with prostitutes?

Men who pay for sex are often portrayed as being middle-aged, successful, professional individuals that work long hours and travel away from home a fair bit. But in reality, studies have revealed that there are no obvious stereotypical types that partake in pay for play.

What research can conclude is that the bulk of promiscuous men are aged between 18 and 70 years or age. And believe it or not, but those of religious convictions, or working in moral occupations, are not spared from the lure of secretive sex with streetwalkers, call-girls, or brothel workers. The powerful and natural sex instinct can, and does, deliver all kinds of men into the arms of sex workers – all kinds!

The majority of men that sleep with prostitutes share the following:

  • They’re educated beyond school level
  • In regular full time employment.
  • Respected members of society
  • Come across as decent fellows
  • Display good manners and social skills.
  • 50%+ are either married or in long tern relationships.

Alarming Statistics

sex-onlineResearch published back in 2005 found the amount of men that paid for sex had more than doubled in a 10 year period, a trend that has continued to rise since those findings.

It’s thought that communications technology, to include the internet, has played a large part in the increased promiscuity within civilised society. In other words, mobile phones and the World Wide Web have seen men pursuing sex with strangers, many of whom would never have pursued such activity if it weren’t for the available technology.

It’s Immoral. Isn’t it?

When asked, most married men surveyed thought that having non-committal, anonymous sex with prostitutes is less immoral than having long-term meaningful affairs behind a partner’s back. Single men are split in the morality of sleeping with prostitutes. It has to be noted though that confident, good-looking guys who have no trouble picking up dates, were among those that thought paying for sex was a bad thing.

Being unfaithful is not a nice act no matter how one might justify it, and no one can argue with that. This doesn’t mean it’s right to judge those men who are disloyal though. There could be all manner of reasons why some feel it necessary to satisfy their needs away from home.

The Rise in Male Prostitution

Male prostitution is also on the increase across major towns and cities throughout world, particularly services catering for the older gay or bisexual men. Perhaps the highest demand of all comes from the closet gay man, i.e. men who have strong gay tendencies but chose to live straight lifestyles – for the most part – but that’s something for another article.

Further reading: Why Men Pay for sex (the Research).

By Toby Strowger | 50ish Site Contributor
Toby Strowger is a men’s lifestyle writer for 50ish.org

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Article Published and formatted by Andy Aitch – Webmaster of 50ish.org
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Readers Comments

    SydneyH says:

    I’m a man in his 50s. My wife died a few years back, and i decided I never wanted to settle down again with a woman. Being a man though, I still have sexual needs that need fulfilling from time to time. So yes, i do occasionally pay for sex and don’t see anything wrong with it. Not sure why there’s still so much stigma attached to the profession.


      Dana says:

      Hi, I am dating with a 60 year old man and he did pay for sex when his wife passed away 10 years ago but not anymore when he is with me. Should I trust him?


        Andy Aitch says:

        Hi Dana, and thanks for your comments.

        Asking advice on this, or any other ‘personal’ matter come to that, is just someone else expressing their opinion, as I’m going to do now. And opinions being personal beliefs means that they could either right or wrong depending on how they’re viewed and interpreted.

        So, IMHO, I think by the simple fact that you know about this deeply private issue in your partner’s life, shows he’s open, honest, and wants there to be no secrets between you. And when all said and done, isn’t the core foundation of any healthy relationship built on trust?

        If however, you found out by probing and he denied sleeping with prostitutes at first before finally confessing the truth, then you might want to revisit the quality of the relationship based on your initial suspicion and his reluctance to come clean.

        But like I said, these are just my opinions based on the basics of what you’ve just posted. So my response doesn’t mean I’m right, it just means I think I am ;)

        Hope that helps?

        Andy Aitch (webmaster)


          Dana says:

          Hi Andy, many thanks for your kind reply.


            Andy Aitch says:

            Thanks Dana, hope you found something useful in my response ;)


          Iza says:

          Hi Andy,

          Your answer strikes a chord with me. I found out by probing, he denied at first and finally confessed only more than 1 yr. later after I caught him again. This time I caught him just before he carried out the act. I feel cheated already because the intention to do so was already there and he was already making his way to the sex place. After episodes of fights and emotional pain, he finally became open and honest for the first time. He told me everything from his past to the cheats he has committed when he was with me. His past is something that I dont care much about but what hurts and pains me most is how he was able to cheat when he is still with me. He is repentant now which is why we are still married but I dont see him the same way anymore. Nothing to do with his past but the thought of how he could have ever done something like that to me that haunts me. I would like to hear your elaborate opinion on this. Thank you.


            Andy Aitch says:

            Hi Iza, and thanks for your comments.

            I have to say that I’m no agony uncle and cannot really comment in any detail, or with any authority, on a stranger’s relationship with their partner. I guess in situations like these, one has to ask their own questions and seek their own answers.

            Domestic affairs are deeply personal things, and what one person might do could be very different to the actions of another in the same or similar situation.

            I wish you well and hope that everything works out for you, whatever you decide.

            Best regards

            Andy


    MYBUSINESS says:

    I’m a man of early 60S and I totally agree with the comments above mine. I have been married twice before. After menopause, my last wife had no interest in sex at all. She even called me sick for suggesting it at my age saying those days are over and that I should grow up. Now I live alone and I never plan to marry again. Like many men of my age I’m a little fat. I have almost no hair on top but plenty above my ears. I guess you might say I’m on the ugly side of plain when it comes to looks but I do consider myself a clean well groomed man, not that that is really relevant here. I am certainly not a distinguished looking 60 something. I still have sex drive and refuse to be someone who plays with themselves over porn pics online, so I use the services of local prostitutes, usually the same 2 ladies for the past year. I don’t see anything wrong with it, but one local radio station brands men like me as sad sick individuals. I wouldn’t mind guess that those that say these things use these services too because the most anti in anything in this life tend to be the ones that are closeted in whatever it is they are anti about,


    SK says:

    There really is nothing wrong with it at all it should be legal in all states. What I really am saying is legalized brothels, the woman are tested every week, and it is a safe sex thing. i have gone to reno a lot to there brothels over there and it is great!! I really wish they made it legal at every state. I mean look this profession is never going away and it just makes sense to legalize it in my opinion. People saying you are sick going there etc, Well look unless you go and try it out u really do not know what u are saying. It actually has helped me talk to woman a little bit berrer than I used to. I am naturally a shy guy but It has improved since i have gone there every so often through the years. I am in my mid 20′s been going to brothels since I was 21.

    Again I am really talking about brothels in general not just some prostitute on the street.


      Andy Aitch says:

      Hi SK and thanks for your input and personal account on this subject.

      Some people reading your comments might think it’s a bit sad that a young fellow in his 20s should find it necessary to seek sexual relief by paying for it. But the reasons why men do are so numerous and so varied, it’s just too complex an issue to generalise.

      There’s also an increasing demand for male escorts – the world over – as more and more single, lonely, or ageing women (to name but 3 groups), are looking for the same kind of temporary relief as men. Yes, women have needs too, although this side of the industry is less talked discussed in general.

      Perhaps if those opposed to the sex profession looked carefully and logically at the FOR and AGAINST arguments on legalisation, they might just see that the reasons why sex workers – in all their forms – are not only necessary and practical, but a valuable service to any society.

      Criminalisation – it seems – simply keeps ‘the game’ underground, and when that happens, those that work in the profession are vulnerable to all kinds of cruel exploitation, health hazards, and personal danger.


        JD says:

        I think SK has the right idea. If I knew at his age what I know now I would be doing exactly what he is doing.

        All men pay for sex in one way or another. You get married and have kids and the woman owns you for the rest of your days. Step out of line and you are financially ruined by divorce and then ongoing child support payments.

        Much better to pay for it and get exactly what you want, when you want it, and on your terms. When I was younger the amount of money I’d waste on dating, buying drinks for women in bars, dinners, etc only to get no pay off. Better to pay for it, get exactly what you want and be done.

        Hired help will not take your home or your financial future. He is also right that sex with a working girl is far safer than sex with a civilian.


          Andy Aitch says:

          I think sex workers do offer a valuable service in many ways, but it’s a debate that could go on forever amongst those who agree and disagree with the industry.

          JD, your reasons would probably be shared with those men who believe they have been bankrupted by a failed relationship, but there will also be many others that are more than happy to ‘invest’ in a marriage along with all its domestic trappings and costs. Most opinions are based on personal experience and attitudes. That’s not to say one person’s opinion is any more or less valid than the other, but just different points of view, that’s all ;)

          There are also many branches of sex work. For example, some ‘working gals’ specialize in a valuable service where the sole purpose is to satisfy the needs of elderly or disabled people, many of whom would not otherwise get to experience such intimacy, despite the fact that they have needs just like the rest of us. Now why would anyone deprive them of sexual relief? After all, it is a basic animal instinct within humans. Isn’t it?

          Andy Aitch


    Julie says:

    My husband admitted to sex with a prostitute one year ago when he went across the street from the hotel to the mall and was approached, this was in Manila. He and his business partner had 48 hrs in Manila, and he decided to check out the mall in the afternoon and the hooker approached him by coming up behind him and touching his arm and asking him if he was alone and in need of company, in which he just said yes.

    They walked back to the hotel across the street and she put a condom on him and he started to have sex and within seconds he stopped and told her to get the f**k out of the hotel, this transaction cost him $50 and he said he doesn’t know why he even did it, he said he caught himself seconds to late and is very remorseful. He confessed this to me 2 months ago, so needless to say I am hurt, angry, hateful, and the list goes on!

    We have been married 27 years and I guess it’s just a number to him, even though he doesn’t want the marriage to end. On my husband’s insistence we are in marriage counselling and he has joined me in going to church, he was fed up with religion but can now see how having God in your life is such a blessing, we also see our pastor individually again on his insistence, he is in shock by what he has done and wants our marriage repaired, BUT I am having a really hard time with this. Please pray for me as I struggle along. Thank you


      Andy Aitch says:

      Hi Julie and thanks for your comments.

      I’m sure it’s not much consolation, but think about how difficult it must have been for your husband to come clean with something that most probably could have gone to the grave with him. Reading what he has since done to rectify his behaviour, it seems to me that he obviously cares a great deal about you and your marriage, but I’m no expert nor do I have all the details. I’m sure there are many other men out there who keep such matters secret for life and never mention them to a living soul.

      Andy


    Julie says:

    Hi Andy,
    Thank you for your comments, they are appreciated.
    God Bless you!
    Julie


    Harvey says:

    Like all things to do with sex it’s a very messy issue… I’m all for legalisation of prostitution to protect the vulnerable but I think married men should think twice before paying to play. It is so humiliating and hurtful to their wives – as Julie bears witness.


      Andy Aitch says:

      True Harvey, but let’s not forget that most married men are hardly going to go and tell the misses they pay for play.

      In Julie’s case, it sounds like her husband was full of shame, remorse, and guilt for his part in this, and needed to own up because he obviously regrets his actions and cares deeply about honesty in the relationship between him and his wife. I doubt this is the case with those married men that regularly sleep with sex workers.

      Andy


    Harvey says:

    True. The ones that don’t find out don’t get hurt. I think whatever the rights and wrongs of his actions, he showed great bravery and honesty in coming clean.


    MJ says:

    Interesting commentary. I agree with many others that prostitution should be legalized rather than scorned and seen as an illegal and moral failing. Being in my 20s and looking around and my friends and cohorts, I hardly see those not paying for sex as moral superiors. Many hunt down drunk girls to take advantage of their loosened inhibitions, lie and say they are interested in a relationship to gain access to sex, cheat, and do many other immoral things. A few years back, when I was single, I gave paying for sex a try after a friend admitted to trying it. What I found is the most honest transaction I ever had in my romantic life. I was not interested in anything other than sex and that is what I received. Utilizing this allowed me to stop staying in dead relationship and trolling bars for sex. In fact, it let me put sex aside and look at what I really needed in a relationship other than physical attraction. It has led to a healthier view of relationships and ultimately an engagement to a wonderful woman that I am faithful to and I appreciate for many reasons other than just sex. So, while many may choose to vilify those who pay for sex, it may be worth considering what those that do not pay for sex do to meet their goals before suggesting it as a better alternative.


    BH says:

    I have a unique situation. I am 40. My wife and I became teenage parents and immediately settled down with children. We’ve been together over 20 years and I dearly love her. Now that the kids are getting older I’m finding new curiosity and a desire to explore. I found a lovely lady, I guess you would call her a sex worker, that I have visited twice now. I go to her house and we cuddle and explore. Its really more like we’re newly dating (although I know that without that $100 I wouldn’t be there). She works another job and seems to not have many guys she sees. I know how this sounds but it has been therapeutic for me. I don’t want to leave my wife, I just wanted to feel out my curiosity and sew my oats. I probably won’t continue seeing the other lady for long but somehow its fixing something within me. This is the type of thing “prostitution” could remedy within society should it become legal.

    Don’t know why something like that should be illegal. I think society is ready more now than ever.


      Natasha says:

      You are one big coward. Does your wife know about it? Would you be okay with her fooling around with other men? Grow a backbone and tell her the truth instead of justifying your sad behavior with egoistical excuses. You don’t really love your wife, if you would truly love her you wouldn’t break the promises you gave to her. Honey, you are just too afraid of being alone.


    Natasha says:

    Married men and women who pay for sex are lacking backbone. It is as simple as that. Nobody in this whole world forces you to marry and settle down. If you need variety, stay single or find someone who wants an open relationship. Cheating and going behind someone’s back is never okay and excuses don’t justify cheating. If you aren’t happy leave before you cheat.

    Some people here need to become responsible for their actions. There is no one else to blame but yourself if you break a promise. We are not apes, we have a highly developed brain that allows us to balance reasons.

    If you want a faithful spouse and sexual variety you are just an egoistical person who doesn’t deserve a partner. You can’t have everything in life, grow up people!


    gg says:

    If the wife does not want to play because she is “selfish”, what can a man do than seek some relief. Most of the responders against prostitution are women who cannot understand a man’s needs. A lot of wives want to check out of the sex department because they do not feel the need and expect the husbands to just jerk off once a week at the bathroom. Well ladies that is not how a husband became a man and stayed a man. Good luck to all of you that think that we are the same “animal”. Ladies you should thank prostitutes for keeping your husbands happy in the sex department so that you can have them for the rest…


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