Selfish Men are the First to Bite the Dust

Some men actually boast – with a degree of pride – that they are just plain selfish and love being that way. Too selfish to have children, too selfish give their time and effort to others, too selfish to own and care for a pet, too selfish to help a so called friend in need, and on top of it all they seem to think they have the perfect life and sod what anybody else thinks!


Selfish menFor a young man living the selfish life of a bachelor it can be bags of fun. In fact its all part of growing up and perfectly natural. It’s also a great way for him to find his footing in the world and get to know himself.

Believe it or not, but these young chaps who have a bit of independent living under their belts often make better partners than those that just jump from Mummy’s bosom into that of their new wife or partner.

Many Men are Single – but not through Choice

According to various studies over the years, the number of men living alone has risen considerably in recent decades. This is often because of relationship breakups whereas others are just unable to find their soul mate. The remainder stay alone because they choose to.

With the latter group, living an egoistical, self-seeking, self-centered, lifestyle at middle age (merely by choice), where self-satisfaction is the primary concern, might make a man think he’s happy and contented, but in the privacy of his own head, the vast majority of these guys are sad and lonely individuals – though few would ever admit it.

“A man can’t grow by being selfish. He grows by sacrificing”.


Happily Married CoupleThe Selfish Marriage

Just about every marriage starts off on a selfishness footing. This is quite usual and there’s nothing wrong with it. After all, the happy couple are so into each other (forced marriages aside), that they often seem oblivious to the the world around them.

But if the love birds decide NOT to have kids, one can’t help but wonder why they bothered to get married? Why not just cohabit in common-in-law status? It’s usually a lot easier to split up this way should they ever decide to part company. Cynical? Maybe. Probable? You know the answer to that!

And should the couple decide that socialising with others is not really their thing, then it’s just them, plodding through life doing their own stuff with very little changing year-in, year-out, other than getting older, less active and less communicative as time passes them by.

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

And if this selfish couple never argue, debate, of share a cross word every once in a while, then it usually indicates that the “man of the house” is as henpecked as hell – as latent as this might appear. He may justify going along with the flow of things by saying to himself; “Oh, anything to keep the peace!”, but this mindset is so unhealthy it’s just not normal!

Fact: No Kids + Not Pets + Little Interaction with others = Shorter Life Expectancy

It matters little how much a man adores his partner, if they have no kids of their own and choose not to be involved in the nieces, nephews, or grandchildren of siblings, then they can expect to live shorter lives than those surrounded by the love of a close-nit family group. But all is not lost. Those who have and dote on pets such as dogs or cats, can increase their longevity by playing, stroking, and cuddling their domestic furballs – apparently! View slideshow.

The Grass is always Greener on the other side.  Isn’t it?

Greener GrassNo one is saying it’s a picnic raising a family, or tending for pets (dogs in particular can really can take a lot of looking after), and those who do will often envy those who have no such obligations. But ask these people in all seriousness whether they would change a thing, and the vast majority of them will surely tell you that they would be absolutely devastated without their family life (including the animals).

Children and the family’s domesticated pets become an integrated part of a widening clan, and a loving family unit is something that’s well worth living for – ask any parent. In fact it’s the essence of life itself for most adult men and women. And if for whatever reasons a man (or couple), doesn’t have his own brood, that doesn’t mean he can’t be an important part of, and enjoy the sprogs, of those family members that do.

Selfish people, as they grow older (men in particular), often begin to feel they don’t have an awful lot to live for, and as a consequence, they get sicker more often, and sicker for longer. The upshot of this is usually a shorter life expectancy and a lesser quality of life during those so called ‘Golden Years’, according to researchers. It doesn’t have to be like this though, and habits of a lifetime can be reversed with genuine commitment and effort.

Not all Home-alone Folks are Selfish

Not every individual or couple who live alone and live an apparent life of selfishness do so by choice. There are all manner of reasons why some people just aren’t able to plug into the kind of life that most of others seem to do with such ease. This is nothing short of heart-breaking for those home-alone men that want nothing more than to be a part-of, as opposed to apart-from, a normal lifestyle. It’s a sad fact, but a fact nonetheless.

Sometimes – though not always – selfish men are the way they are because of the manner in which they were raised. The odd thing about being egocentric is that those who are will frequently deny it even when it’s pointed out by others on numerous occasions.

“Teach a man to fish, and he can provide for others. Teach a man selfishness, and he’ll only be interested in providing for himself.” ~ Jarod Kintz

Escaping from the Bondage of Self!

The good news is that there are all kind of social groups and activities around these days for all sorts of men. Their primary function is to help lonely guys (be that through a selfishness mindset or circumstance), get out of themselves and into a shared community. Mens Shed Groups is just one of many such programs available.

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” ~ Mother Teresa

Asian Dating

Got something to say on selfish living or loneliness? Then please leave your comments below:

By Toby Strowger | 50ish Site Contributor
Toby Strowger is a men’s lifestyle writer for

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Readers Comments

    Mister Alighieri says:

    Well, I have rarely heard better use of shaming language. This is a particularly impressive bit,

    “With the latter group, living an egoistical, self-seeking, self-centered, lifestyle at middle age (merely by choice), where self-satisfaction is the primary concern, might make a man think he’s happy and contented, but in the privacy of his own head, the vast majority of these guys are sad and lonely individuals – though few would ever admit it.

    Wait, either these guys are “happy and contented” with their lifestyle, or they are “sad and lonely” because of their lifestyle. It has to be predominantly one or the other, less the cognitive dissonance would drive the person crazy. All people can be sad and lonely at times, but that can happen in marriage too, just ask most divorced men.

    “A man can’t grow by being selfish. He grows by sacrificing”.

    I am not sure what this platitude is supposed to even mean. Grow into what? For whom? sacrificing what exactly? If a man is taking care of his responsibilities, however big or small those maybe, he is grown. He may improve upon himself and add talents and skills to his toolbox, but he is grown when he accepts the responsibilities that he encumbers upon himself. A man can sacrifice his life for god/king/country, but he is still dead, no growth from that. Sacrificing for the sake of marriage is part of the agreement between spouses, but too often it means giving up on everything he aspires to, thus the Henpecked men that the other article describes.

    “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

    Well then if single, selfish men are enjoying their lives why would they change? They have cash, freedom, access to sex, and endless entertainment. As long as they take responsibility for their own lives and actions, then they are simply grown adults. There is a growing segment of men that don’t feel that marriage (and often kids) has any benefits to men in this society any longer. They don’t want the responsibility of being a spouse and parent, when none of the benefits go with the assumption of those roles.

    Truth says:

    Well these days many more women are very Selfish.

    TheTruth says:

    What about many of the women out there that are very selfish?

    Gary says:

    What do people on here feel about MGTOW ( men going their own way?)
    I am slowly pushing towards 50 and I expect to get bombarded with insurance crap telling me I must leave something behind.
    As a single guy I have no one and I am dammed if the Goverment is taking my piss-pot of a pension
    I will leave my will to the dogs so they can crap everywhere in rememberence of me just as I have been crapped on by women.
    Failing that my grab the cash and head East and die a old man surounded by bought young women.
    At least it’s being honest. No lies attached from western women.

    Minona says:

    THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY PEOPLE (AND PETS) IN THIS WORLD ALREADY, so I don’t see how NOT having kids is considered selfish!!!


    Anyway, I’ve known several friends who have had long-term relationships, then despite years and years of intimacy they never want to see each other ever again! (I’ve experienced this myself, twice.)

    So much for ‘meaningful relationships’.

    I like to be single and alone because I have many interests and want time to make things and learn. It really isn’t very fair if I got too involved with them (for them OR me). I always become unhappy and claustrophobic. In fact, as soon as I begin a relationship, I feel an undercurrent of depression that is ever present from then on.

    When I’ve split up with partners in the past, I’m never happier than the day I realize I’m over it and can get back into my interests …guilt free with no underlying depression!

    Personally, I don’t want a dog because it’s degrading to pick up its crap during a walk. (I wouldn’t want to do that for a vegan human, let alone a dog on offal.)

    However, it’s a good idea to at least have some nice plants to look after, especially if you planted them. Feed the garden birds and wildlife too. I just think it makes you feel connected to nature.

      Andy Aitch says:

      Nice reply, entertaining too, and valid because we’re all different and we all have our opinions. Yours have been very well put by you 😉

    Jose Rodriguez says:

    The notion of selfishness comes with what you do with your life and how you treat others, not whether or not you have your own children or pets. And by having these, doesn’t automatically make you not selfish. There are so many people today who have kids (and pets) because it’s ‘the thing to do’ but don’t follow a selfless lifestyle. What about those who neglect their spouse and abuse thier children? What about people who have a huge family but are working all the time, traveling and are never around? What about providing a luxury lifestyle for their own family but not giving any of their resources to those in need? There are many people (children and elderly especially) who need help who are already in line waiting, but people want to expand their own bloodline and will let others go without so they can do that. Or need special accomodations at work to allow themselves to have child after child and others need to fill in. What about the welfare system? Having another baby without the resources to care for their child, thus forcing taxpayers to foot the bill, knowing they lack the proper care and can’t adequately provide for their children? There are animals who need help who are already here. Why pay a breeder for a purebred when that money can go to rescue abandoned animals? And single people may very well be a great resource for those people with kids and pets-having healthy relationships and being available in times of need, as thier free time can be used in pert to volunteer or travel at a moments notice to care for a sick friend or visit a sad family member. Selfishness is found in how we respond to others needs, not by simply our household makeup.

    Gary says:

    I can relate to people who have not met anyone through no fault of their own.
    Many people have not learnt the social skills in the dating world.

    U.K society seems to favour couples/families over single people.

    Anonymous says:

    This is absolute rubbish! It is NOT selfish at all for a man OR a woman to live life alone. Did it not occur to you that the person may have personal reasons for wanting to be alone? I dont want any friends, wife or kids or pets, I want to be completely alone. That is my choice to make and it does not make me selfish at all. This is garbage, whoever wrote this.

      Ted says:

      Hahahahaha Mr, Mrs, Miss, or Ms Anonymous! The pure definition of selfishness is to be devoted to or caring only for oneself. It translates to a person who is concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits and welfare. I think you tick all the boxes there pal. You can’t even share your sodding name with your remarks. Says it all really! You certainly don’t sound very happy 🙁 For someone who doesn’t give a rats a*se about others, you still found then decided to read this post on the subject though. Strange! Being a selfless man myself, I do wish you well despite your stance.

      Andy Aitch says:

      Hi Anonymous, thanks for your comments. We appreciate all points of view here at

      You’re right in what you say about there being many reasons why some folks live alone. Some want to, others may have to. Some people might even argue that the so called selfless people are really selfish in disguise. I mean, they ultimately do what they do because it makes them feel good, and if it didn’t make them feel good, then they probably wouldn’t bother. Others may say that’s just the selfish nature of mankind, but argue that being selfless is the right kind of selfish. If that makes sense?

      Regarding the life expectancy issue, there’s a plethora of research done on this very topic, suggesting that people who give themselves freely to others, and animals (e.g. raise a family, own pets), do tend to be happier and healthier, and as a consequence get sick less often and live longer lives.

      Like all research, there are not only exceptions to the rule, but often data is interpreted to read in a way that suits those who carried out such studies.

      @Ted: Thanks also for your comments. Your definition of selfishness is perhaps dictionary perfect, but like Anonymous says, there may be many reasons why someone lives the life they do, and with some people, being selfish is actually a selfless thing for ‘them’ to do.

      For example, someone might decide not to have kids because they believe they’d make a lousy parent – for whatever reason(s). Or perhaps another might not socially interact because they always end up getting into fights or arguments, thus spoiling the occasion for everyone there. These are just two examples. So living a seemingly selfish life for them is actually done in the best interest of others, thus making it a selfless act.

      Andy Aitch (Webmaster)

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