Middle-aged Gay Men Living in Proverbial Closet!

Apparently, there are more closet gay men on the planet than there are closets. All over the world middle-aged blokes are living one lifestyle while thinking about another. Many are married with kids and put on an appearance to convince those around them that they are just another Joe Average heterosexual son, brother, husband, father, and so on.

Middle-aged gay menCan a Man really become Gay in his Middle-age?

A question frequently asked in lifestyle forums is this; “Why do so many men ‘turn gay’ at middle age?” The answer to that is they don’t. Well not usually! Most have always been that way, or at the very least had tendencies that they’ve kept from the wider world, and perhaps even from their own conscious mind.

However, there has been some research that suggests a gay person can, in some cases, spontaneously (and sometimes as a result of therapeutic intervention), turn straight.

At what Stage does Sexual Orientation Set in?

A boy’s sexuality is defined early in his childhood and so becomes set, or hard-wired into his very being. What this means is that no one is actually ‘born gay’, but homosexuality is developed as the child develops. So how many grow up to become closeted gay men?

Mainly due to the still homophobic prejudice in many of the world’s countries, a lot of kids will acquire a strong denial about their true feelings. Some even manage to push their homosexual tendencies into the subconscious mind. Nevertheless, there comes a time when such emotions can no longer be suppressed.

The time to open up often kicks in around middle age, a period when a lot of closet gay men become man enough, and strong enough, to face up to facts. This is also most likely why there appear to be so many men ‘coming out’ after the age of 40.

Please take part in the Gay Poll

Just How Many Gay Men are there in the Wider World?

It’s actually impossible to know for sure how many gay men there are in any given country, let alone the wider world, especially with so many closets still out there! There are some figures brandished about though that make quite an interesting read. View Gay Stats here.

Is there a Cure for Midlife Gayness?

Any gay man will tell you there is no more a cure for his sexual orientation than there is for being human. And anyway, once an individual has become open and accepting about his sexual identity, he wouldn’t want to change the way he is for all the tea in China.

Being gay, at any age, is not an illness, despite what the ignorant cranks say. It is as much a part of the homosexual’s characteristic as ‘straight’ is to a heterosexual. And even though a person’s sexual tendencies may alter somewhat with age, this is neither a cure nor a curse, but merely a developmental stage that is largely out of their control.

Quashing the Myths

There is still a plethora of misconstrued myths out there about what it is to be gay. Anyone who’s living in ignorance, denial, or both, might like to read up on the facts.

If you’re a man of middle age and are having difficulties with your sexuality, but don’t know what to do or where to go for assistance, then don’t worry. There is lots of help, support, and advice out there for people just like you. YOU are not alone.

Site Update | December, 2012 – We’ve just opened a brand new forum for middle-aged gay men. This is an experimental forum to see if it generates any interest. If it does we can build on that for you. Please drop by and support our efforts by participating if you can ;)

Visit: The Midlife Gay Forum

We’ve also started a post which lists 3 popular gay discussion boards, and will be adding more resources for all things gay, as time goes by.

Visit: Additional Resources for Gay Men

Remember, you are only alone in this if you choose to be. Anonymous help, advice, or just a listening ear, are literally just a mouse click away ;)


By Toby Strowger | 50ish Site Contributor
Toby Strowger is a men’s lifestyle writer for 50ish.org

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Article Published and formatted by Andy Aitch – Webmaster of 50ish.org
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Readers Comments

    Rob says:

    I am 56 and have always identified as gay ( or at least other) since I was , god, 6 years old, and now I’m getting interested in women! Just a little… not enough to have a relationship but enough to want to explore a bit.

    Mr X says:

    I’ve had what you might call “tendencies” all my life since from about early teens, or before even, and they’ve never gone away. I’ve never acted upon these feelings though. I don’t actively fantasise about other guys but sometimes the thoughts come in to my mind anyway. Being a happily married family man these thoughts will always remain just as thoughts, and anyway, my heterosexual feelings are way stronger than my homosexual feelings, so it’s not so difficult to snap out of these occasionally provocative moods.

    Good article though and nice site overall.

    Helmut says:

    I actually think gayness is an illness and I’m not homophobic man or religious person or anything like that, honestly I’m not. By definition same sex relationship are not normal and the way a lot of gay men act and dress and talk reinforces the strangeness of the condition.

    Sorry, I’m not mean to be controversy and I’m sure a lot of gay men and women are very nice people. I think the comments are open for all viewpoints and that is why I posted my viewpoints. Guess we will see if or not the site approves my remarks or not.

    Peace to all.


      Dallas Artist says:

      Well put Helmut. I see your point, homosexuality is not normal, to you, because you are not homosexual. Heterosexual sex to me is extremely unnatural to me because I am homosexual. No homosexuality is not an illness anymore than heterosexuality is an illness or lefthandedness is an illness or red hair is an illness. It is nature and a combination of genes at conception.

        Helmut says:

        My dear friend, is ‘normal’ not what most people do or most people are? Most peoples are not the gay people so they’re not the normal people. Just saying about that. Thank you.

        Peace to all.


          Andy Aitch says:

          Hello Helmut

          Whether or not your definition of ‘normal’ is correct in it’s translation, that doesn’t mean there is anything ‘wrong’ if someone is considered not normal, as you seem to suggest. The example about red hair that Dallas gave is a perfect case, and the list of examples is endless of course.

          Andy Aitch (Webmaster)

      AJ says:

      People like me exist because of people like you. I wish that wasn’t the case but it is the way it is. Hope you are able to open your mind one of these days my friend.


    Dallas Artist says:

    Around middle age most men are secure in their careers so coming out may not be a problem at work, but I think one of the biggest reasons closeted men come out at middle age is that the kids are out of the house and on their own. If he has been closeted all this time, the sex life with the wife has probably gotten either infrequent or routine if not stale.

    WTF says:

    Don’t you think this ‘gay’ topic should be laid to rest now? It seems to be dragging on forever. This is the 21st century and no man should have to hide or hold his head in shame for being homosexual. It’s about time people grew up and learned to live and let live.

    I think there is some truth in the assumption that those who let their issues with gays be known to the world, are probably closet gay themselves. How else do they find themselves reading articles about closet gay men if they weren’t searching for such material – Helmut???

      AJ says:

      Well said my friend, well said.


        DarkSide says:

        Hello AJ. You don’t know me, but a few minutes ago i posted in your new forum for middle-aged gay men. Not sure if i will return but thought i would say hi to someone else in a similar situation.

        Thank you.

          AJ says:

          Hi DarkSide. I have seen your post in the forum and also sent you a private message. A problem shared is a problem halved my friend ;)


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